My Life in the Past Month

So here I sit at home by myself, trying to figure out what it is that I would like to do with my life.  Why you ask (at least I hope you would)?

Well I sit here and not at my job is because I was fired.  Why was I fired?  Well, because I worked for our family business (for some of  you that may be all you need to know!).  The last month has been so stressful for my family and myself.  So on top of all of the stress that I already endure my step father thought it was best that not only should I have my heart ripped in half but I should also stress about a job.  (Can you tell he really cares about me).  For my mother she is a whole other story.  I mean why would I be upset that I am treated as if they are doing me a favor by employing me.  (I really can't wait to see how they make it through this because I am refusing to help them.)  Last time 9 years ago when I left and went to work at another job, my mother called me daily for help.  It was a temp. job that was going to full time.  I loved this job.  Well my job was given to the CEO's secretary's daughter and I was also told that it seems as if I had ties to another job (why, because my mother called me at work all the time for help with her work).  So here I sit jobless because I was refusing to speak about personal issues at work.  And over time I have become nothing more to them then just an employee.  I was no longer their daughter (I have three sisters and they would never think to treat them the way they do me) even outside of work orders were barked at me any time I would actually allow myself to go around them.  So this is why I am sitting at home.

Now, why do I sit here by myself, you ask? (Eh, maybe.  I don't even know that anyone would care.)  Starting in August we started going to court for my boyfriends daughter.  She has been living with us since she was 2 and she is going to be 5 in one month.  Her mother decided she wanted her back.  So for the past 2 years she had spent 20 months of them with us (she had some visits with her mother).  Long story short - Our attorney seems a little preoccupied and we lost custody.  This sweet little girl whom I have raised as my own was ordered to go live with her mother 12 hours away.  Unfortunately it is extremely hard for a father to get custody here where we live.  So one week ago today she left.  My heart is broken, bruised and achy.  It is such an adjustment to go from having 4 kids full time to 3.   Its been even harder on my son who is close in age to her (7).  She was his playmate, best friend, and sister. 

This happened one day before I lost my job.

So I sit here sad, mourning and worried.  I miss my little girl, don't know what I am going to do for work (I am trying.  I have sent my resume every where).  And as I clean all of the little nooks and corners of my house out of pure boredom, I find little reminders of what once was my whole family. 

Background

I was a young momma.  (I am lots older now and hopefully way more knowledgeable).  I have 4 daughters (two of them mine, 2 of them were given to me by god as way of relationship with their father) and one sweet, sweet son. 

My first two daughters 13, and 11.  I had them very young with my childhood sweetheart.  We were married.  He had issues that were not suitable for young kids to be around and I left him.  Not to long later he passed as he was trying to deal with his problems and become the grown up his girls needed him to be.  He passed at age 24.  My girls were 3 and 5.  I remarried and also have had my son by my late 20's.  Big mistake my now ex-husband loves all women.  Something I just couldn't deal with. 

Then there are my two girls that are not biologically mine (how I wish they were).  One has been with us since she was 2 (now almost 5) and the other lives with her undeserving mother. 

I have had the same job off and on for 15 years.  The last stretch was for 8.  I worked for our family business.  Its hard and almost impossible to work for family. 

I love being able to take care of my family and give them the things they need.  I love to work where I am appreciated and not taken advantage of.  Most of all I love my kids.  They make every day worth getting up and making the most of everything that I can.  I love to see their smiling faces every day.  Teach them every day.  Help them experience everything that is possible for me to let them experience. 

So this concludes the background of this Super MOM.