My Life in the Past Month

So here I sit at home by myself, trying to figure out what it is that I would like to do with my life.  Why you ask (at least I hope you would)?

Well I sit here and not at my job is because I was fired.  Why was I fired?  Well, because I worked for our family business (for some of  you that may be all you need to know!).  The last month has been so stressful for my family and myself.  So on top of all of the stress that I already endure my step father thought it was best that not only should I have my heart ripped in half but I should also stress about a job.  (Can you tell he really cares about me).  For my mother she is a whole other story.  I mean why would I be upset that I am treated as if they are doing me a favor by employing me.  (I really can't wait to see how they make it through this because I am refusing to help them.)  Last time 9 years ago when I left and went to work at another job, my mother called me daily for help.  It was a temp. job that was going to full time.  I loved this job.  Well my job was given to the CEO's secretary's daughter and I was also told that it seems as if I had ties to another job (why, because my mother called me at work all the time for help with her work).  So here I sit jobless because I was refusing to speak about personal issues at work.  And over time I have become nothing more to them then just an employee.  I was no longer their daughter (I have three sisters and they would never think to treat them the way they do me) even outside of work orders were barked at me any time I would actually allow myself to go around them.  So this is why I am sitting at home.

Now, why do I sit here by myself, you ask? (Eh, maybe.  I don't even know that anyone would care.)  Starting in August we started going to court for my boyfriends daughter.  She has been living with us since she was 2 and she is going to be 5 in one month.  Her mother decided she wanted her back.  So for the past 2 years she had spent 20 months of them with us (she had some visits with her mother).  Long story short - Our attorney seems a little preoccupied and we lost custody.  This sweet little girl whom I have raised as my own was ordered to go live with her mother 12 hours away.  Unfortunately it is extremely hard for a father to get custody here where we live.  So one week ago today she left.  My heart is broken, bruised and achy.  It is such an adjustment to go from having 4 kids full time to 3.   Its been even harder on my son who is close in age to her (7).  She was his playmate, best friend, and sister. 

This happened one day before I lost my job.

So I sit here sad, mourning and worried.  I miss my little girl, don't know what I am going to do for work (I am trying.  I have sent my resume every where).  And as I clean all of the little nooks and corners of my house out of pure boredom, I find little reminders of what once was my whole family.